It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
