This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're too hungover to prance.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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