i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
