Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
