hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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