physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
