Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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