Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
