Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
