Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
