She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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