The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
