I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
