So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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