Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
