We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
