It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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