Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
