Plan B is the new Plan A
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
