Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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