so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
