an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
