I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
