Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
