I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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