I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
