I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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