i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
