Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
