my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
whose parrot is this?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
