And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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