I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
