She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
