can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
