shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
