you traded sex for a burrito?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
