i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He shit in the fireplace
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
