I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
whose parrot is this?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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