I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
