so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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