I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
