well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
