But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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