My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
