Betty ford says i'm here all night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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