im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
