he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
