Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
PANTIES FOUND
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