dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We need to rekindle our bromance
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
