Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
