Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
