you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
